Divorcing Couples Five Biggest Mistakes

One out of every two marriages ends in divorce, which is a very unfortunate statistic of today’s society.  Marriage is an important, and for many people, sacred institution, and divorces should only be a last resort when all else has failed.

Make no mistake, a divorce takes its toll on both parties, even the person seeking it.  There are good ways and bad ways to go about a divorce.  It takes two people communicating and cooperating, despite their differences, and working for a fair settlement to divorce the smart way.

If the parties cannot communicate or cooperate, the parties can be forced into expensive litigation.  Fight vigorously in court if you have to, but never take that route if a better one is open to you.

Here are the Five (5) biggest mistakes couples make in divorcing:
1. Refusing to meet for settlement discussions right from the beginning.
2. Refusing to provide financial information and documentation voluntarily.
3. Seeking a result that punishes the other person or ignores their needs
4. Treating the other person with disrespect.
5. Listening to lawyers who only prolong the fight, rather than selecting or changing to lawyers who will help you protect your own rights, but work toward a realistic resolution at the same time.

What To Do If Your Spouse Has You Served With Legal Papers

When parties are having marital difficulties, sometimes one party abruptly serves the other party with legal papers. You come home and find papers taped to your door or an individual hands you papers which normally include a document called a ASummons@. If you are served with legal papers it is imperative that you immediately make an appointment for an initial consultation with a family law attorney.  Take with you to that consultation a copy of all papers served on you. It would also be good to have any correspondence from your spouse or your spouse=s attorney and all documents that you have that relate directly to the papers served on you.

Under no circumstances should you just ignore the papers and hope they will go away. YOU CANNOT AFFORD NOT TO SEE AN ATTORNEY.  You have legal rights that need protecting and you need to take prompt action with the help of an experienced family law attorney.  Whether you are at fault, your spouse is at fault, you are both at fault, or you have simply grown apart, you still have a right to be treated fairly and you need to know and understand your rights and the processes that are available.  Never give up the goal of settlement, but don=t let yourself be placed in a vulnerable position by failing to have an attorney who will look after your interests in the litigation and settlement efforts. 

If Divorce Is In Your Future

If divorce is in your future because you and your spouse have exhausted all ways of making your marriage work and one or both of you have decided to end the marriage, you need to understand what is going to happen.

Divorce is tough, whether it is done by agreement or not.  When you get a divorce you are dividing your money, your property, your children s lives and having to start a whole new life on your own.  Divorce can happen to you whether you want it to or not. It only takes one person to end a marriage.

If you feel that divorce may be in your future, learn all you can about your rights and the processes that are available, and keep these things in mind:

1.   Don’t sign anything without the advice of an attorney.  You will be bound by what you sign and you can t undo it later.

2. Don’t leave home without the advice of an attorney.  Learn how your leaving could affect you, your rights and your family.

3. Don’t use your kids as weapons or as messenger and treat each other with respect no matter how hurt or angry you are.

4. Always work for a settlement agreement if a fair one is possible and choose an attorney who will help you follow a smart course of action.

5. Learn about the processes that are available such as contested divorces, uncontested divorces, litigation, mediation, and collaborative approaches.

Keep Your Friends Close (But Farther Away During a Divorce)

Going through a divorce can be one of the most difficult situations that you will
ever have to go through in your life. It's a time when you need your friends and
family the most, and will tend to lean on them more than ever. They can be
great asset when it comes to having a shoulder to cry on, someone to scream
 with, and somebody to make light of the situation; however, they can also be
your worst nightmare when it comes to the actual divorce process. While most
friends and family have the best of intentions when they are telling you their
divorce [horror] stories (come on, we have all heard them: My Husband's
attorney was a crook, My Wife's attorney was best friends with the Judge,
My Husband got everything, sometimes they can do more harm than good.)
It's very easy to get caught up in another person's drama of their situation,
but do not let that dictate the way that you are going to approach your own
situation. It more than likely is not the same scenario; and even though there
are rules and statutes that govern the divorce process, each and every divorce
is unique to the parties' specific situation. We appreciate the support that a good
family member or friend can give, and we know that support can be invaluable;
but, we also encourage people to be mindful of what things are helpful to listen to,
and what things can be detrimental. Therefore, in addition to family and friends,
it is very important to consult a family law attorney and find someone who you
connect with and trust.

Rebuilding After Divorce

People who have gone through a separation and divorce  have the difficult task of rebuilding their lives and finances as they move on from the divorce. Often, they have found new strengths and new joys to help them progress.  Rebuilding frequently entails a new residence, new friends, a different lifestyle, a different budget and managing on your own without the other person.  How you approach these changes largely controls your level of satisfaction with your new life.  Whether you and your ex-spouse engage in ongoing conflicts  also affects the quality of life after divorce. Some people simply cannot let go of the fight while still others find that life changes result in new issues they can’t control.

Those who have approached the divorce in a cooperative and problem solving manner usually have an easier time approaching the changes that occur after the divorce. Couples who have learned how to communicate and work together as separated parents usually deal more easily with the issues that come up. Couples who cannot talk to each other and who fight over every aspect of parenting their children most often end up in a heated conflict over post-divorce issues at some point in their children’s development

Even when things have been settled by an agreement or court order, complications can arise after a divorce.  This can include changes in your ex-spouse’s life or in your life or simply the changing needs of growing children. Issues can arise about remarriage, moving, changing jobs, changing schools, step parents,  relocating out of the area, custody, visitation, and support.  How you approach these changes largely controls your level of satisfaction with your new life and can have a major financial impact as well. If you find that you and your ex-spouse are unable to resolve ongoing issues or new issues regarding your children, our attorneys at Hall & Hall, PLC would love to meet with you and discuss your situation and provide your options for moving forward.

Why Do Marital Problems Intensify During the Holidays?

When a couple is having marital problems, the emotions become intensified at the holidays. Holidays are a family time with important traditions and an expectation of joy. When parents are having marital problems, the whole family can sense it. When parents are separated, the old traditions are broken and tensions often arise about how the children will spend important holidays. It affects the children, the parents, often the grandparents, and other extended family members.

Sometimes, the parties can work out an appropriate holiday schedule themselves. Other times, they feel they have to resort to the courts for a court-mandated schedule. The decision about holiday visitation is made on a case by case basis when it is brought before a judge.  Usually, the courts require the parties to share holidays in some fashion.

Parents should try to work out a schedule that allows the children to spend time with each parent, and where extended family is involved, with each parent=s extended family. If they can=t work it out on their own, they will be wise to consult a child psychologist and get help in arranging a good schedule. Attorneys experienced in family law can also help a parent understand what a reasonable arrangement would be under the circumstances. It is only when all else fails that parents should resort to the courts, and, if they feel they must have a judge decide it, they need to think carefully about what they request of the judge because both parents are vitally important to a child and the child=s life should be as undisturbed as possible.  

What is Adultery and How is it Condoned?

Adultery is defined by Virginia Law as any person, being married, who voluntarily has sexual intercourse with any person not his or her spouse. Accordingly, in order for a person to be guilty of adultery, sexual intercourse must occur. When one spouse commits adultery, it is very hard on a marriage and often leads ultimately to a divorce.

In a divorce case, adultery (whether committed during the marriage or after a separation) has significance in a number of areas.  It can be grounds for a divorce. It can bar spousal support being awarded to the adulterous spouse. It can be a factor in how the courts divide the marital assets. Adultery can be one factor in custody and visitation, especially if the relationship has taken place in the presence of the kids or has taken significant time and attention away from the children.

From a legal standpoint, a wronged spouse should not assume that because the other spouse committed adultery the other spouse loses all rights. The law of property division, support, and custody must be understood in order to seek maximum relief based on adultery.

Condonation is an important legal doctrine that also must be considered whenever there are allegations of adultery.  If a person cohabits (lives as man and wife) with the adulterer after knowing of the adultery, that person is considered to have forgiven or condoned the adultery. That forgiveness is conditional, and if the adultery continues the fault is revived.  It is important for a person who is faced with a potential issue of adultery to obtain legal advice at the earliest possible time to discuss these matters in more detail.